break the silence

Friends, they help you out in the most amazing ways. Encourage you so much, ya know?

You can really tell who your real friends are when circumstances change and they are still there.

Seasonal friends share a convenience and true friends share a connection.

That’s one of my favorite quotes. Mainly because it is so true.

Its like that with our relationship with God as well. When we are going through a rough time we tend to talk to Him more…and that’s out of our own convenience. When we feel like talking to Him is when we do…ya know? Or when things are going really bad then we tend to blame or not talk to Him because we don’t understand or we are ashamed of our own behavior. When we let circumstances control our lives instead of God then He is just a convenience when we need Him. But if that connection is there- no matter what the circumstance around us is like then we make Him true in our lives.

I hate when things aren't going oh so well with me and God. However, its always me that moves and not Him. And to be completely honest, I haven’t spent that much time with Him lately because I have just been on overload- and you know what? Life is going to suck when you don’t talk to God. I have been feeling like everything has overwhelmed me and I can’t handle a lot of things that are going on right now, but helloooooo its because things with me and God are not right- I have not been the daughter I should be to Him, I have let the things of my life effect our relationship- and life has sucked. And I wonder why I let myself…let my life be somewhat miserable for so long and I am just realizing it completely right now. I try to make up for it by writing things that I know are true, and I know God has been speaking to me about. I hear Him so clearly, but sometimes I choose to still do my own thing. What kind of friend am I being? Its horrible. I wish I could go back 3 weeks and start all over. I let one circumstance control my life and then I haven’t gotten back on track yet. Starting back up is one of the hardest things though. Its like if you haven’t done something in so long, and you used to enjoy it and now its going to be hard again, ah you don’t want to start it again. But I do! I kinda just don’t completely how because to be honest I am ashamed. This just completely changes who I am and I hate it. So hellloooo I need to change it. I need to get back started; I need to do so many things….so many things. Thankfully God is still here. .. He has been silent lately, and understandably. If your friend just ignores you after you try and try and try to speak to them, you eventually are just going to be silent to them.

Break the silence. That’s what I am doing right now. Committing right now that I am breaking the silence. I am doing what needs to be done no matter how ashamed I am and no matter how I feel. Feelings can overtake you. But right now I am going to base off what I need to do and not worry about my feelings. I cannot change the past and now I just have to move forward with a new outlook no matter what the consequences may be. They may be really hard to deal with and cause some heart ache but I am now willing to accept and be that determined person I know I am. That committed person I know I am. That woman within me that I know God has created me to be. I am willing to do whatever it takes to become that. No matter what. My focus is going to be heavenward and on Him all the moments of my day. Distractions of this world may try to creep in, but that is where I am going to put my foot down and say no. say no to the desires of this world.

Funny thing- God speaks to me the most through facebook. I know its weird but its true. – I have this verse application on my page and like it changes every day. Earlier in the semester the verse didn’t change for the longest time and then it changed on a specific day that really spoke to me. With the first verse being about peace and then when it changed to be about His perfect plan. Okay so lately it hasn’t changed and it was Romans 8:6 “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” So I had been really thinking about this verse a lot because it hasn’t changed. And I know I have let circumstances control my life recently so I was like hmmm…. Then today it changed! To this: 1 John 2:12 “I write to you dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of His name” okay whoa. That really really spoke to me. Because as I have let circumstances take control, sins have been committed that have just lingered, and just knowing, being reminded that my sins have been forgiven that on His name they have been forgiven that Christ has washed away my sins by His own blood makes me want to cry.

God never ceases to amaze me even when He is seems silent.

Commit. Determination. Blessings.

{embrace the journey}