genuineness

So, i really just find it an outlet just to write.

On Mondays we have RHLM (residence hall leadership meeting) and each week a different person has to share whats going on in their life or a testimony or something. Then anyone can ask them any questions. Well....that has been stressing me out so much- i was like what am i going to share? Lord, how have you been working in my life? - well because i have been struggling and i didnt want to share that i have been because i am in that leadership position ya know ?

well...I listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler "Healing and Hope" And basically he was talking about how those who grow up in the church struggle a lot with secret sins and secrecy because we are too afraid to share our struggles with others because we think we are not supposed to struggle or we don't want to look weak in front of others or we just don't want to admit that we have problems and are weak. We know all the right things to say, we know all the right things to think, but do we live them out? We are living this like of hypocrisy. And the longer we harbor these secret sins, the harder it will be to get out of them. They will build up and build up and one day they will be made known and it will be a lot worse. And there is a way to end that hypocrisy.

JUST ADMIT THAT YOU ARE STRUGGLING.

and that you cannot keep living the way you are living. and change it.

that's it. admit and change.

sooo..... God definitely sent that word directly to me tonight because that is EXACTLY i mean EXACTLY what i have been dealing with. i mean if you look down a couple of post i even said that i had been vulnerable, admitted i had been messing up and then erased it all afraid of what people who knew me would think. but you know what i did tonight? I went into our meeting- admitted that i had failed these girls that have been looking up to me- admitted that i am struggling and that i need prayer. and you know what? that is the most freeing moment i have had in a long time. but now that i have admitted it...i need to make changes to my life. and live out what i believe and what i say. be completely genuine.

But God speaks in so many ways. sooo many ways. and He has definitely spoken to me today in numerous ways. that is how i know that my heart is still with Him, how i know that i am still His precious daughter.

I can hear His voice.

so, today- its okay to struggle, its not okay to keep living with secret sins.

admit. let go. change.