Wednesday night was amazing. never have i experienced being so close to the Lord. however- it is Friday now- and have i already forgotten that moment? in some ways yes, because I am still holding on- and even today, convocation- am i listening to the voice of God in every situation with Him? this is the battle that is going on within me. the sruggle of the flesh and spirit. I am told to guard myself with the armor of God- but how am i supposed to hold that sword of the spirit that will slay the devil if i am holding onto something else oh so tightly.
its like Moses in Exodus 4. . . he was holding a staff (representing his life- what he has always known- his power- everything)and God said throw it down- and then God used Moses to work a miracle. and God used Moses from then on to do much more than moses ever thought he could do.
my staff- God is saying "throw it down- and let me work a miracle, but I can not work that miracle until you fully let it go and not come running back for it."
I have let go like letting go of a yoyo. you let go and it comes back up. i have done that so much. let it go, and then let it come back. i have to detach the string from my finger in order to completely let go.
the thing is, what will it take for me to get it. i hope in this moment i will get it. but i know the things of tomorrow will come at me even harder- happens every time. once it gets to hard- i yank it back up.
i pray and hope that today, in this moment, in this stillness, i will throw down my staff and watch God work in my life.
completely. throwing everything down.
here is a song that has spoken to my heart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa8w7mGug0c&feature=related
Friday, April 24, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
power love grace
woohoo. i am moving to D.C.
I cannot seriously wait. but yet i can.
this is just a passage i have been feeling lately. . .
Romans 7:14-25
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another powee within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
I pray that I and you can live in His power and grace and love and overcome the enemy around us.
[He gives us power through His love by His grace]
I cannot seriously wait. but yet i can.
this is just a passage i have been feeling lately. . .
Romans 7:14-25
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another powee within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
I pray that I and you can live in His power and grace and love and overcome the enemy around us.
[He gives us power through His love by His grace]
Monday, April 13, 2009
waiting
Waiting is the hardest thing to do...and you are not doing anything at all.
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. " Philippians 4:6
That verse is my life right now.
I can say though, in waiting I get closer to God because I am in constant communication with Him. And he LOVES it when we have an intimate relationship with Him, therefore i believe he loves to make us wait.
Waiting requires us relying and trusting Him COMPLETELY.
I have one more week to wait about an internship- and may this be the most amazing week as I fully rely on and Trust my Savior.
please pray with me :)
"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. " Philippians 4:6
That verse is my life right now.
I can say though, in waiting I get closer to God because I am in constant communication with Him. And he LOVES it when we have an intimate relationship with Him, therefore i believe he loves to make us wait.
Waiting requires us relying and trusting Him COMPLETELY.
I have one more week to wait about an internship- and may this be the most amazing week as I fully rely on and Trust my Savior.
please pray with me :)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
i am ready
I am ready to start anew. to start a life again. to love again. to be full again. to fly again. to soar again. to let love in again. to be free again. to let loose again. to be disciplined again. to outreach again. to be crazy again. to be spontaneous again. to think for myself again. i am ready to be beautiful again. i am ready to not regret again. to be completely yours again. however...i am ready to be me again.
one day
somehow
i will be who i am supposed to be, who i am created to be, who i am desired to be.
today is a new day. . . i am ready.
one day
somehow
i will be who i am supposed to be, who i am created to be, who i am desired to be.
today is a new day. . . i am ready.
Friday, April 10, 2009
but today. . .
i'm having a hard time today.
i am having a hard time accepting things i decided to do.
i am having a hard time not regretting.
i am regretting decisions i made.
and
i cannot do anything about it.
he's moved on. . . . so quick. . .
why am i so s l o w . . . . . . .
it is hurting my heart.
that absent feeling. that i should fill with my Christ- who sacrificed everything and loves me so incredibly much.
but today,
i'm having a hard time.
all i have is tears falling down my face.
i didn't know i had anymore to give.
i'm ready to not cry. to not regret. to not be alone.
i'm ready to be fulfilled to the fullest,
not by earthly gratifications but by eternal significance.
i'm ready to smile and mean it.
i'm ready to take the mask off.
i'm ready to be completely free.
but today,
i'm having a hard time.
You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:16-19
i am having a hard time accepting things i decided to do.
i am having a hard time not regretting.
i am regretting decisions i made.
and
i cannot do anything about it.
he's moved on. . . . so quick. . .
why am i so s l o w . . . . . . .
it is hurting my heart.
that absent feeling. that i should fill with my Christ- who sacrificed everything and loves me so incredibly much.
but today,
i'm having a hard time.
all i have is tears falling down my face.
i didn't know i had anymore to give.
i'm ready to not cry. to not regret. to not be alone.
i'm ready to be fulfilled to the fullest,
not by earthly gratifications but by eternal significance.
i'm ready to smile and mean it.
i'm ready to take the mask off.
i'm ready to be completely free.
but today,
i'm having a hard time.
You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:16-19
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
leashes and diving boards
SO, I went to McLean Bible Church this past weekend. It was an amazing experience. I got to learn more about their church, what goes on and experience some of the ministry life there.
On Friday night we went to a worship service for college students and the College Pastor had some amazing illustrations I want to share.
Okay-- so you know those parents that are so over protective and do not want to lose their child, but also they want to do their own thing?? -- they put their kids on those leashes- the ones that hook around the wrist or even if you want to look cute- the kid has this back pack harness that's in the shape of an animal or something - and they are connected to a leash that their parents hold. So, when the parent and the kid are out- the kid can do his own thing and the parent can do his own thing. The parent can pull in the child when he wants to or when they need to keep moving or when he just needs his child next to him. He can pull the child in and out to give freedom then restriction. How much more loving and endearing is it for the parent to hold the childs hand? that is more intimate and shows a relationship.
That is exactly what we do with God. We put him on a leash. We say- hey i will go do my own thing and you can do your own thing. we pull him into our life only when we need him. we give God freedom to do his own thing- and then when we need him in our lives we restrict him close to him and do not want him to go anywhere. we hold that leash tight that we do not hold his hand. we do not allow him to be intimate with us and love us completely.
what is wrong with this picture?! this is NOT how we should treat God, but be honest with yourself...that is exactly how we do. kind of sad right? like he created us. he wants to be with us. he loves us so much he wants to be our everything. but he gives us free will to do whatever we want. how amazing is it that he is still there for us even though we do not always treat him right.
I pray that everyday more and more I can become more like Him and not put him on a leash and hold that leash--- but actually hold his hand
One more illustration really made me think.
The Pastor was a life guard for a while and he said he loved watching the little kids jump off the diving boards. He said there were three types of kids.
Each way is how bold we are in Christ.
We will only be as bold as much as we trust God
The first kid doesn't trust the water will be okay for him to jump in. he gets too scared to actually see what is down there. something inside of him is holding him back.
The second kid is really timid, doesnt really know what to do. but he kind of just goes out there to see what is going to happen. he thinks that the water will be okay.
Then the third trusts the water is going to break his fall and he will enjoy it! he is not afraid at all because he knows that the water is safe. nothing is holding him back.
I think you can see where I am going with this. relate that to your Christian life.
are you too scared to trust God? to go where he wants you to go? to trust he has a perfect plan for your life? is something- a sin, an idol- holding you back from experiencing what God wants for you? are you no believing that God can rescue you?
are you kind of trusting God? sometimes you do, and other times you dont? do you know Him? do you really believe that God is able to help you out in everything that you do? do you believe that God is good but doubt his power?
are you trusting God with all of your heart, soul and mind? are you willing to go and do whatever he calls you to do? are you living in a trusting relationship with Him that he is showing you that you can do more than you can imagine? are you believing God and using his power?
Boldness comes from trusting God's power
GOD IS ABLE!
Do we believe it?
LIVE IT!
when you trust in His power, goodness and character.
you will have boldness and impact.
{embrace the journey}
On Friday night we went to a worship service for college students and the College Pastor had some amazing illustrations I want to share.
Okay-- so you know those parents that are so over protective and do not want to lose their child, but also they want to do their own thing?? -- they put their kids on those leashes- the ones that hook around the wrist or even if you want to look cute- the kid has this back pack harness that's in the shape of an animal or something - and they are connected to a leash that their parents hold. So, when the parent and the kid are out- the kid can do his own thing and the parent can do his own thing. The parent can pull in the child when he wants to or when they need to keep moving or when he just needs his child next to him. He can pull the child in and out to give freedom then restriction. How much more loving and endearing is it for the parent to hold the childs hand? that is more intimate and shows a relationship.
That is exactly what we do with God. We put him on a leash. We say- hey i will go do my own thing and you can do your own thing. we pull him into our life only when we need him. we give God freedom to do his own thing- and then when we need him in our lives we restrict him close to him and do not want him to go anywhere. we hold that leash tight that we do not hold his hand. we do not allow him to be intimate with us and love us completely.
what is wrong with this picture?! this is NOT how we should treat God, but be honest with yourself...that is exactly how we do. kind of sad right? like he created us. he wants to be with us. he loves us so much he wants to be our everything. but he gives us free will to do whatever we want. how amazing is it that he is still there for us even though we do not always treat him right.
I pray that everyday more and more I can become more like Him and not put him on a leash and hold that leash--- but actually hold his hand
One more illustration really made me think.
The Pastor was a life guard for a while and he said he loved watching the little kids jump off the diving boards. He said there were three types of kids.
- the kid who walks to the end of the board painfully, looks down at the water and gets freaked out- so he slowly walks backwards to the stairs off the back of the diving board and makes his way down the stairs
- the kid who goes to the end of the diving board, is kind of timid and barely jumps of the edge, but does and makes a little splash
- then there is the kid who just runs right off and then leaps in the air like there is no tomorrow! and he just keeps going back to discover more ways to jump off- like going from the cannon ball to the dive, to the flip to the backwards flip and so on!
Each way is how bold we are in Christ.
We will only be as bold as much as we trust God
The first kid doesn't trust the water will be okay for him to jump in. he gets too scared to actually see what is down there. something inside of him is holding him back.
The second kid is really timid, doesnt really know what to do. but he kind of just goes out there to see what is going to happen. he thinks that the water will be okay.
Then the third trusts the water is going to break his fall and he will enjoy it! he is not afraid at all because he knows that the water is safe. nothing is holding him back.
I think you can see where I am going with this. relate that to your Christian life.
are you too scared to trust God? to go where he wants you to go? to trust he has a perfect plan for your life? is something- a sin, an idol- holding you back from experiencing what God wants for you? are you no believing that God can rescue you?
are you kind of trusting God? sometimes you do, and other times you dont? do you know Him? do you really believe that God is able to help you out in everything that you do? do you believe that God is good but doubt his power?
are you trusting God with all of your heart, soul and mind? are you willing to go and do whatever he calls you to do? are you living in a trusting relationship with Him that he is showing you that you can do more than you can imagine? are you believing God and using his power?
Boldness comes from trusting God's power
GOD IS ABLE!
Do we believe it?
LIVE IT!
when you trust in His power, goodness and character.
you will have boldness and impact.
{embrace the journey}
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