but today. . .

i'm having a hard time today.

i am having a hard time accepting things i decided to do.

i am having a hard time not regretting.

i am regretting decisions i made.

and

i cannot do anything about it.

he's moved on. . . . so quick. . .

why am i so s l o w . . . . . . .

it is hurting my heart.
that absent feeling. that i should fill with my Christ- who sacrificed everything and loves me so incredibly much.

but today,

i'm having a hard time.

all i have is tears falling down my face.
i didn't know i had anymore to give.

i'm ready to not cry. to not regret. to not be alone.
i'm ready to be fulfilled to the fullest,
not by earthly gratifications but by eternal significance.
i'm ready to smile and mean it.
i'm ready to take the mask off.

i'm ready to be completely free.

but today,

i'm having a hard time.



You open your hand;
you satisfy the desire of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and kind in all his works.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;
he also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:16-19